Letting go..

i wrote this blog on November 23, 2006 on my friendster blog.

As I sit here thinking about all the time I have wasted, just sorting out my life -- I never really realized what loneliness was until you were gone. It seemed as though things were going so good until one day you left without a single trace. All of our plans for the future were shattered. There was to be no more of you and I together. You were gone, gone forever. I still remember the times we shared, but slowly these memories are going too. One day they'll be gone just like you.

I'm trying desperately to find you and bring you back to me. I dream about you every day and pray that you'll come back, but it's hopeless. There's no use in pretending, cause deep down in my heart I know you've found another. Someone to take my place, someone who'll love you -- but never like I loved you. And even though you've found another, I'll be true to you, even though you've asked me not to .

My life seems so meaningless now. I'm useless - why was I ever placed on this earth? People tell me that another will come along and take your place, but where is he? Who is he? Sometimes I feel like giving up on life, on love, on everything, but I can't. My spirits won't let me. I must go on - with or without you. The things that ever really meant anything to me are gone - vanished - never to come back to me again. All I have left now is my dignity, but slowly that is slipping away too ...

I have to get a grip on myself -- I can't let this get me down. Life must go on. Maybe it's good that the memories are going, maybe then I can go on with my life as meaningless as it seems now. I don't hold it against you because you left me. It's like they always say, "Let him go and if he really loves you, he'll come back to you." But it's not that simple, now is it? The only way to have true love is to realize that someday it might be lost.

The funny thing about all of this is if you were to come back - I actually don't know if I would take you back. coz I don't deserve such pain and torture. You left me once, you could do it again.

You never notice me as I walk past you in the hall. No matter how hard I try for you to see me it never seems to work. I'm invisible to you now like a wandering ghost with no past, present, or future. Your so busy with other girls you never take the chance to see me right in front of you. I guess it’s pointless to hold on to something I'll never grasp in my entire life. So I'm giving up on you now and forever. I guess this is good-bye to you from me because I'm tired of waiting for you to turn around and see me right there where I've always been.

Sometimes, we have to let go of someone we care for very deeply when we realize that person does not care for us in the same way. Maybe it is best to leave them remembering us with whatever kind of feeling they do have for us. It may not be possible to hide our own deeper feelings for that person, which could make their life uncomfortable. Letting Go may be the best gift we can give them because they may realize how we feel, yet care enough not to want to hurt us.

I cannot promise not to cry, but I do love you my friend,
I guess this is my last goodbye.


I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that man I adored
You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for
But I dont know him anymore
Theres nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings fine Im torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn
So I guess the fortune tellers right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and nowI dont care,
I have no luck, I dont miss it all that much
Theres just so many things that I cant touch, Im torn
Theres nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings right,
Im torn