Loving you from afar..

i wrote this blog on November 14, 2006 on my friendster blog.

I understand sadness. I understand losing someone whom I love so much and it hurts like hell but hurting myself will not bring things back, or even make the pain go away.

I had to let go of what I thought I owned. It hurts, yes-a lot actually but getting thru each day made me realize that the world will just keep on turning and I have to continue breathing even if he's not around. So I got to move on, face the world after he ruined it and prove that I can be better than what he used to have in me.

I learned that when you love, make sure that you are open to the possibility of getting hurt for. When you love you risk the chance of getting hurt and letting go of the person and when you let go, it's just another way of saying I love you in a painful way to that person because you are allowing him to be happier even if it means without you in his life.

Letting go does not mean giving up, but accepting that there are things that are not meant to be. Many people say that he doesn't deserve my love but what he is showing me right now looks like that I'm the one who doesn't deserve him.

Our friendship was destroyed. We're not talking to each other anymore. I'm invisible to him. My heart was totally wrecked. Maybe some people see me that I'm happy [im not crying everyday like before] they might see me smiling and laughing again but behind those sweet smiles are bitter pains.Yes, I'm still in pain. I know that I can live without him but I assure you that my life would be so incomplete without him in it. I don't know why I am being so martyr but there's one thing that I know-- I had fallen so deeply in love with him accidentally. I never thought that I will love him more than anyone else. I love him more and more each day which makes me miss him so much and hurts me so much. I know that there's no such thing as perfect but there's obly one person who's perfect for me and I think it's him but I'm not sure if I'm perfect for him.

Now that he is no longer mine, I have to move on with my life without him even if I see him everyday. I will just love him from afar.

**mamahalin kita habang buhay**